Putting it all out there…

“Vulnerability is the only authentic state. Being vulnerable means being open, for wounding, but also for pleasure. Being open to the wounds of life means also being open to the bounty and beauty. Don’t mask or deny your vulnerability: it is your greatest asset. Be vulnerable: quake and shake in your boots with it. The new goodness that is coming to you, in the form of people, situations, and things can only come to you when you are vulnerable, i.e. open.”
― Stephen Russell, Barefoot Doctor’s Guide to the Tao: A Spiritual Handbook for the Urban Warrior

This is how I feel now… peaceful… clear and focused. Beautiful. Strong.

There is something frightening about putting yourself “out there”.  Opening yourself to others. In a public forum. Exposing your imperfections with the knowledge that criticism is certain to follow.

The courage to blog about the good, the bad and the ugly in my life comes from others.

Others who have been strong and courageous enough to share their stories. Others who have assisted me in finding myself again. People who have assisted me in gaining the strength to remove myself from a situation where I felt worthless, useless and unloved.

Maybe by writing about my experiences and my recovery, I will be able to help someone else. Maybe I will be the person that gives them courage to make a positive change in their own life.

Life does move on… and it can (and will) be better.

I have been writing in journals for years. As long as I can remember.

Journals are safe. They are private.

They are telling.

For many years, I allowed fear to keep me from sharing things that were traumatic for me. Afraid of being judged or criticized. Afraid of being blamed for allowing myself to be sucked into less than desirable situations and relationships.

By reviewing my journals, I am seeing with new eyes what I was living with. I am learning why I stayed, even though every fiber in my body screamed to GET OUT!

I am learning more each day about HOW I was drawn to men that were not good for me. Learning to accept my past, and learning how to create my future.

There are a number of “communities” on Facebook, and blogs, and web sites, devoted to supporting people working to free themselves of toxic (and abusive) relationships, or supporting them in their recovery from such relationships.

I found this story on one of those sites:

A fence : A story with a great moral…

There once was a young boy with a very bad temper. The boy’s father wanted to teach him a lesson, so he gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper he must hammer a nail into their wooden fence.

On the first day of this lesson, the little boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. He was really mad!

Over the course of the next few weeks, the little boy began to control his temper, so the number of nails that were hammered into the fence dramatically decreased.

It wasn’t long before the little boy discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence.

Then, the day finally came when the little boy didn’t lose his temper even once, and he became so proud of himself, he couldn’t wait to tell his father.

Pleased, his father suggested that he now pull out one nail for each day that he could hold his temper.

Several weeks went by and the day finally came when the young boy was able to tell his father that all the nails were gone.

Very gently, the father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence.

“You have done very well, my son,” he smiled, “but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same.”

The little boy listened carefully as his father continued to speak.

“When you say things in anger, they leave permanent scars just like these. And no matter how many times you say you’re sorry, the wounds will still be there.” ~ Mark Pothier

This story is a good example of the damage, unseen and unrecognized by the constant pounding.

A response posted to this story suggested filling the holes with putty - If ONLY it was that easy.

Had I formed a “habit” of being with abusive and controlling men, I would have started to question my own sanity, my own judgement.

Yes, I made a mistake, two times in fact. I don’t know if I will ever learn why these two “(less than) men” were able to get past my defenses. But they did.

Relative to the other men in my life, I would have to say that my track record is really not all that bad.

In my lifetime I have been involved with a number of very honorable men, REAL MEN. Men who were/are full of integrity. Considerate and thoughtful men.

They are friends, brothers, uncles, cousins, and my dad. Men who are examples for other men.

One is my best friend and my lover.

He encourages me to be who I AM. To learn and grow. To explore and to LIVE.

The kind of betrayal that survivors of abuse experience ends up impacting every aspect of our lives.  Personal relationships, work experiences, friendships… all are impacted in some way.

Often times we don’t even realize how. We get into survival mode. Put up barriers. Hide our emotions. Wrap ourselves in a cocoon of numbness.

If we are lucky, we allow ourselves to feel again. To TRUST.

What I have learned is that I can’t let the experiences of the past dictate my future.  They can be used as a guide, but they cannot control my future.

“Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity. It is the source of hope, empathy, accountability, and authenticity. If we want greater clarity in our purpose or deeper and more meaningful spiritual lives, vulnerability is the path.”
― Brené Brown, Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead

Related articles

• How to Embrace Vulnerability and Ultimately Live a Life of Purpose and Meaning (withanopenheart.org)
• Vulnerability (rswalrath.wordpress.com)
• Today I Give Myself Permission to be Vulnerable #atozchallenge (raisingthecurtain.net)
• The Paradox of Vulnerability (selfdiscoverydigest.com)
• Project Vulnerability, Absorb Defensively (selftalker.wordpress.com)

There are people….

And then there are PEOPLE.

There is a beautiful moon in the sky above Seattle tonight… not quite Full, but it will be by this time tomorrow night.

I was looking up at the sky (in awe), the moon looks so big and close you can almost touch it.

In the cold and clear and darkness of night, I couldn’t help but think of Michele.

I walked into the house and popped onto FaceBook to take a look at her page. She passed away on April 1, 2013.

I wanted to write her a note and let her (and her family) know that I was thinking about her.  I ran across a post on her Wall – for Michele « CoffeeJitters.

Michele was PEOPLE… even in the face of death she lived with grace, dignity and humor.

I have spent the majority of my adult life as a caregiver.

Not something that I begrudge. It has been and honor and a learning experience.

I’ve seen people come and people go. Families come together and break apart.

None of us knows when our time is “up”… we can only live each day to the best of our ability. Being the best we can be. Showing kindness to others and supporting those who are less fortunate than we are.

Some of the strongest and wealthiest people I have ever known were those who struggled the most and had the least. There is so much to learn from our everyday experiences.

Thank you Michele for being an example for the rest of us. I appreciate visiting your Facebook page and seeing the love notes that people leave for you.

You may not be “here” but you are here… and we are all better for having the opportunity to know you.

Don’t wast your time on people who suck your soul out of you. Life is too short. Invest your life in what matters, because in the end, what doesn’t matter… doesn’t matter.

Love has no bounds…

I’ll be 47 in just over a month… Forty-SEVEN.  Where did the time go?

The strange thing?  I feel like I am just starting my life.  I’m just starting to live.

I have the rest of my life ahead of me and there is nothing holding me back and nothing that I cannot do. I find myself dreaming… and you know what? dreaming is okay… even if my dreams don’t come true.  It is fun to think about what is possible. It is even more fun to have someone to dream with.

Life has taught us that love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking outward together in the same direction. ~Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, Wind, Sand and Stars, 1939, translated from French by Lewis Galantière

I hit the reset button in 2009, and while it was by no means the “easy button“, the effort and sacrifice have been well worth it.

In the process of losing everything, I found myself.

The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself. ~Anna Quindlen  (born July 8, 1952) is an American author, journalist, and opinion columnist.

Fred and I were listening to the TV this morning (or maybe it was yesterday morning) and there was a therapist talking about how to repair a “broken” relationship.  As I listened to the steps that were outlined, I realized that Fred and I practice those steps every day.

Our relationship isn’t broken and I believe if we continue on the path that we are on, it never will be.

The key to a great relationship is to not let it get broken in the first place.

I guess it is never too late to learn a valuable lesson and in that, every experience is a learning experience. I’ve taken a negative experience (a failed marriage) and turned it into a learning opportunity and a lesson for what NOT to do this time.

I wrote a love letter yesterday.

I tell Fred that I love him everyday and I do my best to demonstrate that love through my actions, but I felt the need to write those words on paper… a visual and permanent demonstration of my feelings. He is the BEST thing that has ever happened to me.

Some of the pointers given in the TV interview included;

• being able to love yourself,
• setting realistic expectations,
• making time to spend together every day – including time to talk without being interrupted,
• being compatible and finding things you like to do together,
• being kind to each other,
• being honest,

and something I felt was really important

• make it new and fresh every day.

We talked about what we heard and we both agreed that we do these things regularly. Relationships don’t have to be difficult, but they take work in the form of attention.

One thing that I constantly work on is not taking anything for granted. I am very fortunate that the man who I love and adore works equally as hard at keeping our relationship healthy.

We love spending time together. We enjoy doing things together – even things that are not always fun.

We can be together quietly and just “be” together without having to be “together“.

We have joint interests but we also enjoy separate activities (although I really do prefer doing things with Fred rather than without him).

But most of all, we respect each other; we talk, and we don’t take our relationship for granted.

Fred and Molly

Love has no desire but to fulfill itself.  To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.  To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving. ~ Kahlil Gibran (January 6, 1883 – April 10, 1931) was a Lebanese-American artist, poet, and writer.

I wake up every morning and go to bed every-night totally in love with the man next to me. I’ve never been happier or more full-filled.

For the first time I can be me… I look forward to the future – whatever that will bring. I’ve grown so much in the past couple of years that I can’t imagine that I was ever anyone different from who I am today, but I know that I am, and it feels great!

Related articles

• You Said You Would Change! (psychologytoday.com)
• Caring (wrotebyrote.blogspot.com)
• How Keep A Good Relationship With Your Partner (expertscolumn.com)
• 7 Vital Choices for Happy Relationships (tinybuddha.com)

I felt a great disturbance in the Force…

At 4:20 this afternoon, the world lost a brave and beautiful soul.

This blog is about “Life as I Know It”… sometimes Life as I know It… is not ideal.

In an ideal world, good people would live long and healthy lives, be able to raise their children, and grow old with the ones that they love.

M was a classmate of mine in High School. We were not “friends” – then.

While we had some common friends, we did not hang out in the same circles or have the same interests – at least that was my interpretation of things.

Some time after our 20 year reunion I got a friend request on Facebook. Looking back at the messages, it was December 2008.  Quite frankly I was surprised, so much so that I actually inquired as to “why” M was requesting the connection.

She responded that she was inspired by my relationship with my then husband (now WASband).  At the time of the reunion, we had been married for 13 years and he had been chronically ill with complications from his bone marrow transplant for over 12 years.  I had been married for 17 years when she contacted me – and I seriously doubt that had it not been for Facebook, we would have connected at all.

Ironically this was about the time that I was seriously considering ending my marriage.  I had done my best to keep it together but things had deteriorated to the point where there really was nothing left to salvage. M offered me perspective, from her perspective, as a person battling cancer and the complications associated with chronic and life threatening illness. I shared my perspective, as a spouse and caregiver.

M is the person who coined the term WASband. I stole it and I’m not giving it back!  We had a number of good laughs, a few cries, but even more so, I enjoyed getting to know M – as I really didn’t know her before.

As consistently shared on her Facebook page, she had a wicked sense of humor and a wonderful outlook on the every day circumstances of life.

We developed a friendship over the past few years.  Not the same type of friendship that she had with others… I can’t tell you what she liked most and I don’t have stories about her growing up, or even any real knowledge about her adult life.  I only know what we shared recently.  Mostly about love, life and living with “illness”. This was mostly via email – we tried numerous times to get together, when I was in town visiting and then after I moved back home. Our schedules just never seemed to mesh. That was okay.

We followed each others lives on Facebook and via our blogs.  I learned a lot from her strength and determination to live. Watched as she struggled and LIVED and LOVED her daughters and others. Generous, loving, caring, and thoughtful. What a legacy.

We all knew that this was coming. That there would be an end to her time here on earth. Of course we didn’t know when. It will happen to all of us at some point, but some people see it coming. 

I’m not sure which is better.  I’m not sure that if I am presented with the same view that I would have the strength and courage to live as she lived or to try as hard as she did to stay alive. I’ve seen what cancer does.  I’ve seen people survive and live, but I have seen many more die. I’ve seen what it does to families and experienced the results of the continual strain on relationships. Some relationships make it, many more don’t. Not for a lack of trying…

Facebook is an interesting medium.  To be as loved as M.  The sentiments, stories and love that has been poured upon her and her family. That is what is inspiring. There are many things that I did not know about her, but the person that I got to know via our emails and messages is someone who I truly admire and care about.

Sometimes, when we become adults, and the insecurities of being a teenager are gone, we really learn about who we are and get that second opportunity to meet people we once knew in a new and different way.

I am fortunate that I have some great friends.  Some people I have known my entire life, some for a long time and others for a very short period.  I am learning, and continue to learn the value of life.  Thankful for every day that I have and the people who I get to spend it with.

Thank you M for your strong and courageous life. For being who you are and sharing your life and strength with the rest of us.

Rest in Peace…

I felt a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of voices cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced. I fear something terrible has happened. ―Obi-Wan Kenobi, referring to the destruction of Alderaan^[src]

Crazy Busy… loving life…

I can’t believe how little time I am spending on my blog.  I’ve actually found that I am receding into my own little world again… too exhausted to even turn on my computer.

I actually had to make a point of getting on here tonight and as I stared at the screen, wondering what I would write about, I realized that I have let myself get bogged down in the every day trivial pursuits.

Seems like life is whizzing by at light speed and I cannot believe it is already February, almost March… where has time gone?!?!

So, what have I been up to?

Mainly working – seems like I am working A LOT.  Not only am I working my regular “day” job, I am spending time with Fred working on the F/V Taku (one day on the weekend) and when I am not doing that I am trying to keep up with bills, laundry, house chores (which is NOT going well), car maintenance…

My day job is mentally exhausting but sedentary.

The weekends on the F/V Taku are hard. I don’t know how Fred does it day in and day out 6 days a week.  It is hard, hard work.

My brother made a smart @ss response to Fred about my being responsible for the torch this past weekend… we had a difficult job of removing the very old tar paper from the hull of the boat.  Fred has already removed the outer skin and is working at replacing the rotted wood, packing material and fittings.

See, I didn’t burn the boat down…we (Fred really) scraped a good deal of gunk off of the hull… about 10′ by 4′ of area.  We still have to chip out the cement and rotted packing. It is crazy!  Today Fred started demolishing the house – he has plans for a bigger and better living area. Currently at about 100 sq feet, we may go up to 101 sq feet (hahaha)…

Did I mention that I am still working on simplifying my life and getting rid of material goods – really not getting very far on that endeavor.

Taking care of myself

For the past three weeks I have been getting up at 0500 and going to the gym.  While I haven’t lost very much weight (just about 4 lbs so far), I am still working to win that Fat Boy Lo. I am feeling really good. My body fat percentage is going down and I am toning up. So even if I don’t win the motorcycle I am making progress toward being healthier – and in the process I am getting in shape for my hiking trip this fall in the Grand Canyon. It feels good to be active again.

Finances

Fred and I have been working diligently on our budgeting and financial goals. I really didn’t want to declare bankruptcy but after the divorce I really didn’t have any other options. The bankruptcy is scheduled to be final in March. One step closer, continuing to move forward.

We’ve been following a financial plan and budget. We talk about every penny that we spend – together. How refreshing! He’s absolutely wonderful, in all aspects of our relationship.

Karma

I truly believe that all things come to their end, or beginning, in their own time.

Life is so awesome right now. I knew that if I sat back and didn’t focus on all of the crap I was dealing with, and how “unfair” it all seemed at the time,  I would be set free – able to enjoy my life. Finally.

There is just no sense in wallowing in the past. I have so much future to look forward to.

The best thing that I have done these past few months?

Let it go!!!! I’ve let it ALL go!!!

I am no longer angry or resentful. I wasn’t even phased by a snarky message sent to me by the WASband a few days ago (never mind he isn’t supposed to contact me AT ALL!)

No need to respond. I don’t have to acknowledge or expose him, he’ll do that on his own.

What’s next? I am interviewing at the end of this week for a different position in the organization where I work.  I am learning new things every day.  Challenging myself in new ways. Loving my life.

Life is so much easier when you have someone by your side who shares your dreams and goals.

One thing that I have learned is that I am not going to take what I have for granted.  Relationships take work – but they shouldn’t be hard.

She’s “Gone Native”… and other stupid comments made by the WASband…

The WASband was notorious for “stupid” and/or insensitive (read racist, biased and ugly) comments during our marriage – I can’t imagine that he’s changed this behavior since our separation and divorce.

I haven’t written about him for awhile… haven’t even thought about him… but as I was engrossed in today’s activities with the IDLE NO MORE Prayer Circle I couldn’t help but reflect on just how stupid he really is (and be thankful that he is no longer part of my life – at all).

WABband = choice words I cannot say in public

The first stupid comment he overused was the “little Sue” comment.  He thought this was an insult.  I am my mom’s “mini me”… we are alike in so, so many ways.  Personally, referring to me as her “mini me” is far from an insult.

My poor niece… she may be more like grammy and auntie than she would like to believe…

My momma is AWESOME! and when I grow up I want to be just like her… well, maybe a little less forgetful and a little more organized, but otherwise, YES, just like her! So far, being less forgetful and a little more organized, is going to be a challenge. I’m already displaying “momma” tendencies.

The insults really started flying when I became involved with the Native community in Juneau, AK.

As I have mentioned in previous posts, I was blessed with an opportunity to participate in a canoe journey from Hoonah, AK to Juneau, AK for Sealaska’s 2008 Celebration.

This was the start of an awakening for me.

I can only imagine the fear the WASband must have been feeling as he realized that he was losing control over me.

His next “stupid” comment was repeated over and over to his “friends” – with a sneer and a tone… she’s “gone Native“.

Again, with a superior tone that implied that this was some type of an insult… as if being “Native” was bad.

Really? No wonder he is a WASband…

Canoe Journey opened me up to a completely new way of looking at things. My participation in “native” events has allowed me to be exposed to people and history and culture that I would never have had the opportunity to experience. And you know what? I LOVE IT!

This doesn’t mean that I don’t value and respect my own heritage and upbringing. I do.  I’m a Heinz 57. English, French, Swiss, Irish, Dutch, German and who knows (really) what else.

I’ve also experienced, at times, discrimination directed toward me because I am not born “Native”. However, Fred will jokingly say that I am 100% Native (by injection). He cracks me up! I so love that man! His mom told me that I am more Native than some of the Natives that she knew… I took that as a compliment.

The most important thing that I have come to realize is that we really are ALL ONE PEOPLE.

We share ONE PLANET.

One of the WASbands favorite things to do was to point out the blemishes of everyone around him, and I do mean EVERYONE!

Even his “friends”. I used to just snicker when he did this – pot calling the kettle black, EVERY SINGLE TIME! It is too bad that people didn’t call him on it. What a sad and lonely life he must live.

Every person, family, group, community and nation has issues. Whether alcoholism, drug abuse, domestic violence, poverty, racism, mental illness or any other type of issue/stigma, those issues are not limited to one group or culture.

For every sarcastic,  rude or stereotypical comment the WASband made about “Natives” he failed to realize that he was describing every negative characteristic about himself.

He did a very good job of convincing me that it was time for me to move on.

I have been blessed to be accepted into the Native community. Blessed to have so many friends, and now family, that I did not have before. Blessed to have a man in my life that I absolutely love and cherish.

So, if “going Native” is a “bad” thing, I’ll do it and be thankful for the opportunity.

Molly and Fred – #IDLENOMORE Prayer Circle & Peaceful Rally, Seattle, WA 01/12/2013

And after today’s event, I am happier than ever to be a part of a wonderful community of loving, caring and sincere HUMAN BEINGS.

 

Related articles

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Humbling experiences… another day and moving forward… still…

Had a big day today. Not my proudest moment but a necessary step in moving on with my life.

As hard as I tried to keep the creditors at bay and pay down the marital debt I ended up with (I was working it to the end), I was unable to do so. I admit defeat.

I tried the “debt management” program. I’ve been using only cash for the past 24 months.

I have sold nearly everything I could possibly sell to keep up with the debt, there’s nothing left. Nothing…

The divorce has left me financially devastated and a reduced income has added to the issues.

I had my 341 Meeting of Creditors today. Sigh… one more step in putting the divorce behind me.

I have to say that while people will tell you that bankruptcy is a horrible experience, compared to my divorce process, it has been a piece of cake. Though I do not recommend it.

If anything this has been a humbling experience that has required that I really delve into the underlying issues with regard to my finances and spending.

I know how I got into debt.

I agreed to the “fair and equitable” distribution of marital “property” as part of the divorce.

I am a grown-up. I am dealing with it.

Learning a new way of thinking about money:

Filing for bankruptcy doesn’t mean you get away with poor spending/saving habits. I’ve had to account for every debt and for every penny that I have spent over the past 24 months. I’m still on the hook for some of the debts, they will not be discharged.

I had to complete Pre-Filing Debt Counseling.

There was a meeting of the creditors today where I had to declare under oath that the information I provided was true, in front of a room full of people, all in similar situations as me.

I just completed the Post-Filing Debtor Education tonight.

In my mid-4o’s I am essentially starting over.

I didn’t really expect to feel any amount of “relief” today. It is just another day.

Fortunately, I have a wonderful partner by my side who is committed to assisting me with this “financial” makeover. It feels good and I do see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Something else that I am doing is taking my financial education seriously. I have been doing a lot of reading and the system/program that makes the most sense for me at this point is the Financial Peace University/Total Money Makeover with Dave Ramsey.

It just makes sense. Not easy to do, but I’ll keep plugging away at it because I know that it will work.

Question(s):
Have you ever had to declare bankruptcy? If so, how did that change your habits? What are you doing differently? How do you manage your finances?

Related articles (not necessarily endorsed by me… just some more information for you)

• Bankruptcy During & After Divorce | eLocal (elocallawyers.com)
• Free Gifts From Dave Ramsey: 2 Downloadable Audio Books (Through January 31st) (hip2save.com)
• Handling Your Debt Problems When Dealing with a Divorce (debtconsolidationusa.com)

Every day is a new day… a new beginning…

Amen to this…

Does anyone know where this quote came from? The bad thing with “sharing” photos and such is that the author is often a mystery. I did a search for the quote but came up with nothing…Help please?

It seamed as though I would never get here… where? To THAT point where I am truly able to let the past BE the past and move forward with the rest of my life.

It is all I could have hoped for. Starting a New Year without the baggage of the past and being able to look forward with hope and love.

I’m not saying that it is going to be easy. I am saying that FREEDOM is a wonderful thing.

Related articles

• Letting Go to Move Forward (espirational.com)
• Seize the New Year’s Day in 2013! (fatmanfarms.com)

Here comes 2013… onward and upward!

Well, I posted WordPress’ perspective of 2012 so now it’s my turn to share my perspective on 2012.

2012 was a big year for me. Big, BIG, BIG

Here is a recap of the biggest events in my life for 2012

January -

My daddy passed away – Miss you papa

February -

Left Alaska and moved back home with my mamma and the love of my life – happy to report that the predictions of some that living at home with mom wouldn’t last (bets were 1 week and the other was max – 9 months) – phhhhffffft, we are having a ball. Mom, Fred and I could be described as the three stooges. Lot’s of laughs around here.

Welcome to the MV Matanuska – Hippo will be your tour guide…

March -

Lost my 23 year old furry man… He’d been through it all with me. RIP Sammy… aka “Shitty B’kitty” 03/09/2012

Mom fell and broke her neck… that was a roller coaster but she’s doing well and we continue to yuck it up on a daily basis.

April -

April was a bit tough… Weight Loss efforts took a nose dive as divorce pressures and financial issues reared their ugly heads.

But it wasn’t all bad. I did after all get my first motorcycle and I rode it!

May -

I turned 46 in May.  The toughness of life continued but looking back I notice that I tried to focus on the sweetness of life and all of the fabulous things that I have now.

I finished one job and started a new one. Enjoying the fact that I took a job where and work stays at work.

June -

I got busy in June with a new “adventure” – the F/V Taku. I work my regular job during the weekday and spend the weekends with Fred working on the fishing tender.

June was also a month for self-reflection… a lot of self-reflection. The divorce kept getting uglier and I just kept plugging along.

July  & August -

No posts in these two months, had to focus on breathing and getting myself out of bed. Yes, I was depressed and just trying to cope. Thank goodness for Fred, my mom, my family and my friends.

My highlights of those months… working with Fred on the F/V Taku

Molly and Jonesy

September -

Who would believe that it took me nearly a week to post about my divorce being FINAL!! Woot Woot! It was actually final on August 30th, 2012 but I didn’t post about it until September 8th… probably just wanted to make sure it really happened.

Finally… and none too soon either…

September turned out to be a pretty darn good month – and I was reunited with an old friend to boot!

1967 Volvo 122s – Amazon

October -

October was pretty awesome but sad too.  I officially received my Tlingit name but had to say goodbye to the best mother-in-law that I wish I had… or as close to being the best mother-in-law as I would ever have.

A lovely service for Fred’s mama… Yaxh Woo Aat

November -

I attempted to focus on everything I was thankful for in November, but in all reality, I am thankful everyday. My life is so different from what it was and I am so very happy.  I have a great life.

We had a huge issue with getting our last box of goods shipped from Alaska, thankful that I am persistent and thankful that I am learning to stand up for  myself.  I can be kind and firm, no need to be bitchy. No one is going to step all over me again… NO ONE!

The highlight of November?  A visit from the kids – man I really miss them!

December -

Well, I’ve only posted once so far in December, and this post will be post #2 (and I had better hurry or it will be the first post of 2013!)

December was a very busy month. No time to spare. It was the first Christmas without my dad but it was a good one. The family was together and happy. Just what he would have wanted.

The highlight of the month? Getting our portraits taken for my mom. It was the only thing that she asked for, the only thing that she wanted. A picture of her kids. Four out of five isn’t bad… we were so rowdy that the photographer had to ask us to settle down (not really), but we were laughing so hard we were crying.

We added name labels to a copy of the photo as a cheat sheet for mom… Hello, my name is…

I love my family! They absolutely ROCK!

What’s next?

2013 is going to be a great year. I can feel it. I don’t make resolutions, but I am going to continue to work toward fulfilling my LIFE LIST.

This is the first year that I am truly FREE of the past and it feels good!

The best part of this NEW year? Having my guy by my side… LOVE HIM SO, SO MUCH!!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR PEOPLE! 2013 IS GOING TO ROCK!!!

Training for the Grand Canyon – Week 11 – Week of 10/04/2012

Week 11 – Week of 10/04/2012
Weekly Weight – Loss/ + Gain: 0.0
Total Weight – Loss/ + Gain: +13.2 since February 26, 2012
Total Inches Lost: No measurements
Fitness/Activity:
56117 steps taken
91 floors climbed
24.55 miles traveled

Trip Planning Notes: Still no planning…

The grand kids have been in town for the past week. I was able to take time off from work and that allowed me to get some extra steps/mileage in this week.

I earned a new award! See there is something to be happy about… even if I am at my heaviest weight EVER!

I really enjoy my job, but it is so sedentary. I have to make a conscious effort to get in physical activity.

I’ll just keep plugging away…