Category Archives: Work
UGH!!!!! A couple of people at work are very lucky they did not talk to me today…
I am as likely to have told them to KISS MY @SS, as I would have actually cow-towed to their Idiocracy!
Thankfully I am not a direct report to these people. They would have fired me for insubordination (well, that is what they would have called it).
What happened to good management and more importantly, where did LEADERSHIP go?
What happened to responsibility?
What happened to accountability?
What happened to common sense?
What happened to direction?
Seriously thinking that it may be time to explore other employment options… ones that don’t include working directly for other people.
I am pretty good at keeping my mouth shut when I am angry. It actually takes A LOT to tick me off.
I do speak up, but only after I have thought long and hard about what I want to say and how I want to say it. Very rarely will I speak out of anger, or show my emotions, when I am in the midst of a “situation”.
When I am angry, I make sure to follow my “rules” and ask myself four questions…
Is it timely?
Is it true?
Is it considerate?
Does it add value?
Most of the time, MOST but not ALL, I am able to answer yes to these questions before I actually speak out.
It appears that there is a pattern to my discontent. Having been through years of therapy I am able to recognize what triggers this unease.
I have a problem with people who are demanding and self-centered. People who think that they are ALL THAT but in all actually are ALL NOT THAT!
Call it my super sensitive gut feelings about people who use, abuse and manipulate others for their own purposes… that gut feeling that causes me to throw up all sorts of red flags when I come across certain types of people. It was bad enough being married to one of these people, but working with them is often worse. Especially when they are in positions of authority.
One particular person that I am ranting about today is someone who I am sure doesn’t quite know what to do with me.
This person is used to people falling for their charm and “intelligence”… when in all actuality they will step on anyone who gets in their way and lie and manipulate to get what they want.
I am not falling for their BS. As a matter of fact I have called them on it on more than one occasion and lived to tell about it.
If I have learned one thing, it is this… BE TRUE TO YOURSELF. I am honorable and do what I say I am going to do and if I cannot do it, I let people know as soon as I know and offer other solutions to reach a successful conclusion.
I keep meticulous records. If I have learned ONE thing in the workplace (in recent years) it is this… always tell the truth and own what you say. If someone were to come back to me about this post for instance, I would OWN it. It is no secret who I am.
It is so much easier to keep track of the truth. You don’t have to remember what you told to whom.
This is one reason I do not share specifics about situations or share people’s names (except Fred because he is so wonderful).
Anyone who reads my blog and knows the people who I am talking about don’t need me to OUT the perpetrators.
It is that Karma thing… you can fool some people but you can’t fool everyone.
I refuse to be taken advantage of or stepped on again.
I welcome feedback about my own behaviors and I OWN them. Call a spade a spade…
I have been labeled as aggressive by some (those that cannot fool me). I am not aggressive, I am assertive. There is a difference.
While talking with a coworker about this situation (you see, I am not the only one who is having difficulty with these folks) they asked “so is there anything that will get them to back off or be more cooperative?” My answer came from this post on Facebook from a page called My Emotional Vampire:
If you pacify through appeasement, the Narcissist will quickly begin to feel omnipotent. They will increasingly lash out, and when appeased, feel ever more powerful themselves, and be ever more contemptuous of you. They aren’t designed to be benign dictators under these circumstances. They are designed to pacify their amygdala in ever-increasing amounts, by reinforcing their own self-perception of their omnipotence. They will do that by grinding you into the ground ever harder, without suffering consequence.
So one day you get angry, and lash back out at them. Suddenly they are nice. How weird. You were nice, and they were mean, now you are mean, and they are nice. It makes no sense.
To the Narcissist, you are a tool, to be manipulated to satisfy them. If you lash out, your utility is in jeopardy, so they appease you. But again, it is the facade appeasing you, not them. Inside, they have made note of what a prick you are for lashing out at them. Though smiling, they have made a note to get back at you later, probably behind your back. Their amygdala will force them to. This is why they are often referred to as “grievance accumulators.” They accumulate grievances deep within the recesses of their minds, until their amygdala is so overloaded by their perceived victimization, that they are forced to take action. – MEV
And there you have it… in a nutshell. You can’t win with these people. You MUST protect yourself. And sometimes that means that you have to walk away.
As I have said before, at this point in my life there is much more freedom than in the past. I no longer feel that I HAVE to put up with poor workplace behavior because I have been working to eliminate the bonds that keep me tied/wedded to a certain income or status.
I have no problem walking away from bad situations if it means that I will be healthier and happier for doing it. I am obligated to no one.
Fred and I have been talking about our future. What we want to do.
That future may be here sooner than we planned.
Whatever it brings, I am confident that we will be okay. Everything will work out in the end.
- Angry? Why rant sites may do you more harm than good. (psychologytoday.com)
- How to Handle Passive-Aggressive Behavior (lmerlobooth.typepad.com)
glippidi-gloppili-loo… wa wa wa mho wa wa wa…
Have you ever had one of those days where you just cannot comprehend what people are saying?
Today was one of those days.
I have them periodically. I know that people are talking and I know that they are speaking English and that they are speaking clearly but what I hear is this…
Let’s turn that around today for a bit of fun
Salagadoola mechicka boola
Put ‘em together and what have you got
Salagadoola mechicka boola
It’ll do magic believe it or not
Salagadoola means mechicka booleroo
But the thingmabob that does the job is
Salagadoola menchicka boola
Put ‘em together and what have you got
album from the movie Cinderella 
I’m pretty sure that the issue is that my brain is on overload. It happens.
Work has been crazy busy and I am going in a million directions. I miss Fred. I miss boo (Aristotle)…
A good nights rest ought to help.
In the mean time… a little silliness is in order…
After all, supercalifragilisticexpialidocious is a BIG word!
Oh, look, ice cream…
So, of course everybody was linking to this Slate essay a few weeks back, and then Karen Kelsky responded, and I also read this response that I thought was really excellent, and now Karen Kelsky has another response up by a guest blogger.
This post isn't so much about responding to any of the above, except for that I wouldn't be writing it if this conversation weren't happening through all of these pieces.
"I know, it is a shame that as professionals in our trade we have to censor our professional opinions out of fear. :("Of ALL of my work experiences, working in the academic environment (higher education) was the most dysfunctional and frustrating. I'm not talking about the students. I LOVED working with the students. I am talking about fellow "professionals" - faculty members and administrators. UGH... the WORST position I ever held. My response to this post was...
The best two days of my life?… the day I got hired into my tenure track position (I LOVE teaching), and the day I resigned from the university for a lower paying position outside of academia so that I could get away from the BS that interfered with my love of teaching...While there are some EXCELLENT professionals in academia, there are more than a few that really should move on. What made academia so difficult for me was that I refused to keep my mouth shut out of fear of losing my position or not getting tenure as a result of ticking someone on the committee off.
- The Real Life of One (Crazy) Tenured Professor (reassignedtime.wordpress.com)
- Getting (Un)Stuck in the Middle (insidehighered.com)
- Labor of Love or Cheap Labor? The Plight of Adjunct Professors (onlinecolleges.net)
- Flush Out Your Headgear, New Guy: You'll Never Get Tenure (or Be Happy) in Academia (ivorytowernews.wordpress.com)
Post-traumatic stress disorder is a type of anxiety disorder.
I did not know that I was suffering from PTSD until just a few years ago. While I have experienced anxiety in the past, I didn’t realize that I was experiencing PTSD symptoms until later. I’ve mentioned the incident that brought it to light in a post (or two).
It can occur after you’ve seen or experienced a traumatic event that involved the threat of injury or death. Although, the cause of PTSD is unknown.
In my particular circumstance, I buried the trauma. As a matter of fact, I completely wiped it from my mind.
PTSD starts at different times for different people. Signs of PTSD may start soon after a frightening event and then continue. Other people develop new or more severe signs months or even years later. ~ Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
Unfortunately, we can never really wipe anything from our minds, and from time to time (or all of the time for some) we bear the brunt of the issue and it all comes to the surface.
I do pretty well most of the time.
Other times, and when I least expect it, not so much.
1. “Reliving” the event, which disturbs day-to-day activity
Flashback episodes, where the event seems to be happening again and again
Repeated upsetting memories of the event
Repeated nightmares of the event
Strong, uncomfortable reactions to situations that remind you of the event
Emotional “numbing,” or feeling as though you don’t care about anything
Being unable to remember important aspects of the trauma
Having a lack of interest in normal activities
Showing less of your moods
Avoiding places, people, or thoughts that remind you of the event
Feeling like you have no future
Having an exaggerated response to things that startle you
Feeling more aware (hypervigilance)
Feeling irritable or having outbursts of anger
Having trouble falling or staying asleep
I remember the first time it reared its ugly head. I had spent the day cleaning the house (not something I do often or well) and the WASband came home and made a really quite innocent comment. He ran his hand across a piece of furniture and declared how clean everything was…
Holy cow, you could have heard me down the block… “how dare you… and on and on and on…” … he just stood there, looking at me like I was from another planet. And in all reality, I thought I was.
At one point or another I have experienced each of the symptoms listed above.
I’ve been experiencing some other symptoms lately, but these I recognize… and I am able to gather myself before it gets out of hand.
This relates to yesterday’s post – With age comes wisdom?
I find that from time to time that I become frustrated in my work environment(s). I come across people who I feel an intense distrust about. I have a sense, and it is pretty keen (meaning that I am rarely mistaken about my interpretations) about people and/or situations.
Playing games is not something that I do and it is not something that I tolerate.
I own what I say and I own how I act.
While I am emotional, I am not ruled by my emotions. I am a data driven and fact based person. I look for causes to issues – not to blame, but to identify the causes in order to figure out how to avoid the problem or to change the processes that lead to the issues.
My BS meter is highly developed. Chalk it up to prior experience. I can read people like nobodies business. I’ve learned from my experiences and I am not at all tolerant of behaviors that I recognize to be bullying, harassing, threatening or inappropriate.
Liars don’t stand a chance with me. You may fool me once, but you won’t do it twice and once you’ve burned your bridge don’t expect me to loan you any wood or rope to build another one.
Something I have always said…
Who you are speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you are saying. You can’t hide who you ARE.
Today I found myself being triggered by behaviors and circumstances. At first I felt “out of control” – as if I was losing it. I found myself using expletives – something I do when I am stressed or ticked off. I recognized what was happening and started to breath. Imagining myself shaking away the negativity.
I was finding it difficult to find the positive in the situation and I did not believe that what I had heard was out of innocence. The folks involved are people who I do not trust. I am careful with my words with them. Remembering that I will have to own what I say and be able to back up my statements.
Today was a difficult day. I really did want to scream… Gaaaahhhhhh… but I focused on my work and supporting my coworkers. Supporting the organization that I work for.
As I mentioned yesterday…
Don’t tell me how great you are… let your performance do the talking. Show me how great you are.
I have a pretty good understanding of what my triggers are.
The higher up the corporate ladder I climbed the more triggers I encountered. Yet another reason I chose to step away from the table and focus on living my life.
I just don’t have the time or the energy to deal with losers and players.
- Columbia police chief praised for opening up about PTSD (thestate.com)
- 16 Ways To Help A Friend With Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (casapalmera.com)
- What Is PTSD? How To Cope With PTSD? (americanlivewire.com)
- Effects Of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (casapalmera.com)
- Post Traumatic Stress Disorder: Methods Of Recovery (casapalmera.com)
- Help for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (everydayhealth.com)
- Post-traumatic stress disorder (http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001923/)
- Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/posttraumaticstressdisorder.html)
Fred commented last night that he felt like the “world was against him”… everything he has been trying to do with the boat (the cars, well… everything) has been a struggle. Whether with finances, logistics, breakdowns… it has all been hitting at once, and hard.
I just want to wrap him up in my arms and make it all go away, but alas it won’t…
A few months ago I was in the exact same situation. No matter what I did, it felt like the opposite outcome resulted. I played fair, took the higher road, kept my head up, everything I could possibly think of. Thinking that being the bigger person and not lowering myself to the levels of others would make everything turn out okay.
It really sucked.
That whole “what doesn’t kill you will make you stronger” line of thought… total crap… sometimes it would be nice to just have things go your way. Just once.
When it is all hitting you in the face full force it is just a tad bit hard to see the silver lining (or even the rainbow).
Fortunately, everything does pass… the key I have found is to not let the inconveniences of life slow you down.
Just as with my divorce, once it was done, it was done. Poof… no more crappy days, no more stress (of that kind).
Fred is now safely back in Bellingham, working on the F/V Taku. The MoHo is running fine and now parked. All of the “little” things that needed repair are done and thank goodness most had easy solutions. Some we actually chuckled about.
Some not so easy (or great) solutions… itsy bitsy ants that will need to find a new home or perish… and Fred found the nest of the mouse that we had evidence of. No mouse that he could see but he did hear an annoyed chirping tonight while I was chatting with him on our nightly phone call. I suspect that is his little mouse friend, upset that Fred destroyed the nest and disturbed his comfy home. I see some decon and ant traps in our future… but I am not looking forward to cleaning up dead bodies when that time comes.
I suspect that we’ll be cleaning more this weekend. Finishing up on getting the MoHo fitted for living.
Fred is tucked in nice and warm. The heater is now working, as is the refrigerator, the power on the passenger side of the vehicle, and the water tank doesn’t appear to be leaking (but we are waiting to confirm that repair).
Bubby is keeping me warm and I am missing my guy and my furry baby…
We are back to “weekend visitation”… really stinks but that is life.
When times seem hard the best thing is having someone you can count on. We will make it through this too.
I still think life is pretty grand, even if it isn’t perfect.
I just stole my girlfriends term “MoHo”… I always loved it when she wrote about her adventures and travel with her MoHo and her pets.
Well Wen, we’ve joined the ranks…
I would have written a post last night but we were busy all day finishing up yard work and then went to my brothers to pick up the motorhome.
Fred is on a timeline so we were up until 2 this morning cleaning and prepping our now 3rd home for occupancy.
3rd home you say? Yes.
Fred and I live with my mom, well, actually I live with my mom.
Fred spends most of his time living and working on the boat.
The F/V Taku has been in dry dock for the past few months and we splashed her last week and took her back to Bellingham.
She still has a lot of work left to be done and while she is under renovation for phase two, Fred be living in our “new” motor home.
It isn’t fancy, but it is clean and it runs. We were laying in the bed above the cab last night, trying it out, and noticed itsy bitsy ants crawling along one of the seems in the ceiling…
As I mentioned, the MoHo needs some work. Nothing I wouldn’t expect as it has been sitting for awhile.
Why does morning have to come soooo early?
It will be another late night tonight. Mom and I are transporting vehicles to Bellingham after work today.
Aristotle isn’t so sure about this latest development…
He’ll adjust though, he’ll just be glad to get back to the dock and see his girlfriends.
Missing my boys already!
It seems like Fred and I have been GOING GOING GOING for the past year or so.
I work my regular job Monday thru Friday and Fred works on the boat… day and night… then on the weekends I head to wherever Fred is or he comes home and we continue to work. If we aren’t working on the boat we are working on motorcycles, or cars, or like today, working on getting things cleaned up and put away.
I still have four (4) crates of stuff to unpack that we shipped down from Alaska… a total waste of money.
For goodness sake, if I haven’t used the items in the crates in the year that we have been here I could have left it all behind… seriously.
I should have used the philosophy I have when packing for trips… pack, remove 1/2 of the items, pack again, repeat removal of 1/2 of the items. If it can’t fit in one backpack then I don’t need it. That usually works for me… usually. I really should have done this when we were moving. As it was I sold enough stuff to pay for our trip down here.
It is all going to end up at a Thrift Store or at the dump anyway and I only have until the end of the month to get it out of here… per mom.
And she’s right (yes mom, I said that you are right, as in CORRECT!), we have to do something with it, and soon!
Today, mom rented a big @ss wood chipper and Fred and I spent the day chewing things up.
We went from this (and more!)
With this (and there were no injuries or dismemberment’s today)
and then it was time for this… A nice hot bubble bath and soak in the tub.
I really do love physical activity. It makes me feel good. I’m exhausted and sore but that is okay.
At least we enjoy doing things together.
Tomorrow is going to be another busy day. We have more yard work to do and then we are off to pick up a motor home for Fred to live in while he is in Bellingham working on the boat… at least until the house on the boat is finished.
It looks like every weekend from now until November will be filled with work… And that is different how?
How do you spend your weekends? Is it all work and no play or do you find time for FUN, fun, fun?
- Then the fun part of owning a boat begun, The running costs of the boat. (jstarboatservices.wordpress.com)
I worked for many years developing my “career”… went to school (three times), finished two degrees (a BA and a Masters), and did the “career ladder” thing.
I had plans… BIG PLANS!
I don’t know if my plans were based on what I really wanted (or thought I wanted) or based on a need to prove people wrong… or right.
Or maybe, just maybe, I made my plans based on a need to ensure that I would be able to support myself and my family.
Sure, when I got my first degree I had a plan. That plan was that I would always be able to support myself, and be self-sufficient, it was not that I would become some high-powered executive.
When I got married, many moons ago, I thought that I would be a homemaker. I thought I would be home raising a brood of kids. Serving on PTA committees and volunteering with local organizations. I dreamed of a country garden and growing my own vegetables and sewing my own clothes.
Part of the desire to get a degree and make sure I was “employable” was based on my observations of women who got married, raised a family, and then found themselves alone with no experience, education or ability to support themselves.
That was not going to be me.
After the WASband became ill and I found myself supporting him, I did what I thought I needed to do to ensure that I would be able to support him over the long haul.
The future was uncertain and I was either going to be a widow at some point OR I would be the main income earner. Either way I knew that I needed to go back to school and make sure that I had the education and credentials that I needed to survive.
I learned a lot during that 20 some years. Some of what I learned was that people can really be stupid and insensitive. I can’t tell you how many times people commented that I should be HOME “taking care” of my husband. Really? Were they going to pay the bills and make sure that we had health insurance? When we were first married I was working three jobs in order to support us and make sure he had the care and medications that he needed. Talk to me about staying home after you put food on my table and pay my rent/mortgage. Deal? I didn’t think so.
I have fantasized over the years about what I would really like to “do”… mostly my dreams revolve around self-employment and being creative.
At one point I looked at being a caretaker of a remote mountain retreat. A solitary type of existence where I would be required to rely on myself and develop a wide variety of skills.
As my responsibilities grew at home, I found myself in the healthcare field. Advancing my career relatively quickly with an eye toward becoming a rural health care executive. A small hospital CEO.
Networking was a way of life. I made acquaintances and friends all over the world.
Proud of my “career” and my potential I just kept doing what I thought I needed to do to get ahead.
Was I happy? No, not at all… really. I convinced people that this was what I wanted to do, but the higher up I got in management the more miserable I became.
Maybe part of this was a result of the home environment and the horrible marriage. I did the best I could with what I had but we really didn’t start out all that well to begin with. If he hadn’t of become ill, I highly doubt the marriage would have lasted for as long as it did.
There was an overwhelming sense of responsibility that I had to be everything and take care of everything. After a few years, I actually used my career to escape from home. The busier I was, the less time I had to spend with that miserable @ss of a WASband. I was there when I needed to be and there when he needed me, but anytime I could get away I did. Work was my refuge.
The more money I made the worse it got… he was never satisfied. I could have been the queen of Sheba and independently wealthy and that would not have been enough for him.
I thought I was fooling people, but I wasn’t. Now that I am divorced, I am fully aware of just how obvious the misery was to others. Even if they didn’t say anything.
I have consistently toyed with the idea of following my passion… what that passion is… I am not exactly sure.
There are so many things that I like to do. So many talents and things that I could do. None of them are “traditional” in the sense of having a career and making a living.
I made a HUGE career decision when I moved back to my home town and back in with my mom after my dad passed away. I had enough contacts that I could have gotten a management position in a local hospital but quite frankly I didn’t want one.
When I was interviewing for positions for staff roles I kept getting questions about why I wasn’t looking for a management role, would I be happy in a staff position, and so forth.
No matter what I said, I had a difficult time convincing potential employers that I would be quite happy in a role that did not involve managing people or things. For a change it would be nice to not take work home and that for a change I may actually have a life outside of work.
I have toyed with going back into management… I am a natural leader. I am suited to management. Quite frankly however, I am not suited to working my tail off and not having a life. Not any more. There is not enough money that makes me want to jump back into that life.
With that in mind, I have decided to let my professional certifications and memberships lapse. That was a very difficult decision to make. I worked very hard for those certifications. Very hard. When I got my membership renewal notices in the mail I decided that I was not going to renew them since I was not planning on going back into those fields at a level that would need or utilize them.
My gut wrenched at the thought and then I took a breath and determined that hanging on to them was really just hanging onto a life that I have moved beyond.
I am happier than I have ever been. Sure, I make about what I did when I was first entering my career field but I also do not require the same income that I did. I am learning to live with less. I no longer have to buy my happiness.
The simple pleasures of life really are what is fulfilling.
I recently changed jobs within my company. For awhile there, I was uncertain of my future. The company had merged with a larger organization and I was getting pressure to do work that I really did not want to do. Another position came open and I was fortunate to be offered that work and I am really enjoying it.
I am still in healthcare (generally) but I have moved into IT. A lot of the work I am doing now, I was doing before, but in a different way. I am learning a new discipline and am able to utilize my previous education and experience. My supervisor is professional and does a great job and I am happy to just “be” an employee… I go home at night and I rarely think about work. Perfect!
My dreams now involve finding a way to work with Fred full-time on the boat. I enjoy the physical labor and the time that we spend together. I can see us working together and traveling and really enjoying what we are doing.
Things are so much easier now. Sure, we have to make an income to meet our basic needs and plan for the future. One thing that we do not have to do is keep up with anyone else. Fred and I only compare our lives to what we are wanting to do and what makes us happy.
There is something so freeing about that… it is that feeling that has convinced me that I am doing the right thing and that is abandoning the rat race for a simpler and more pleasant life.
Question: If you could do anything you wanted for the rest of your “career” (LIFE), what would it be? What’s holding you back?
- Forget Your Career And Pursue Your Vocation (juangreatleap.com)
- 11 Things My Son Taught Me about Life & Business (sugarrae.com)
- Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps (frozenmargaritas.wordpress.com)
- If You Could Turn the Clock Back, What Would You Do Differently? (business2community.com)