Category Archives: Love
My MOM. LOVE her like crazy!
She is awesome!
I love that we can laugh and be silly together.
I feel blessed to be able to spend the time with her that I do. Work and life are busy but I like seeing her everyday and talking to her everyday.
We are two peas in a pod.
Love you momma, thank you for being you.
you are in serious trouble.
I found out early in life that it was easier to laugh at myself than it was to be laughed at. I used to tell on myself because it saved me the embarrassment of having my brothers share stories about the “dumb” things that I did.
Fred came around… he commented early on in our relationship that he liked that I sang whenever and wherever.
I would be working on the canoe or we’d be hiking a trail and I would be humming or singing to myself.
Since he didn’t seem to mind I kept singing. It wasn’t until we were well into our relationship that he started asking me “WHAT DID YOU DO WITH THE MONEY YOUR MOMMA GAVE YOU FOR SINGING LESSONS?”
Really?!!!! I know I’m not the best singer (I play the Bassoon for a reason) but I refuse to let that keep me from enjoying myself and singing a tune if I feel like it.
It’s not like I am delusional and think that I can audition for The Voice.
- Things That NBC’s The Voice can do without. (bodaciousbobo.wordpress.com)
- Singing (bondeddogblog.wordpress.com)
- A certain indescribable charm (creativevoicewales.wordpress.com)
I worked for many years developing my “career”… went to school (three times), finished two degrees (a BA and a Masters), and did the “career ladder” thing.
I had plans… BIG PLANS!
I don’t know if my plans were based on what I really wanted (or thought I wanted) or based on a need to prove people wrong… or right.
Or maybe, just maybe, I made my plans based on a need to ensure that I would be able to support myself and my family.
Sure, when I got my first degree I had a plan. That plan was that I would always be able to support myself, and be self-sufficient, it was not that I would become some high-powered executive.
When I got married, many moons ago, I thought that I would be a homemaker. I thought I would be home raising a brood of kids. Serving on PTA committees and volunteering with local organizations. I dreamed of a country garden and growing my own vegetables and sewing my own clothes.
Part of the desire to get a degree and make sure I was “employable” was based on my observations of women who got married, raised a family, and then found themselves alone with no experience, education or ability to support themselves.
That was not going to be me.
After the WASband became ill and I found myself supporting him, I did what I thought I needed to do to ensure that I would be able to support him over the long haul.
The future was uncertain and I was either going to be a widow at some point OR I would be the main income earner. Either way I knew that I needed to go back to school and make sure that I had the education and credentials that I needed to survive.
I learned a lot during that 20 some years. Some of what I learned was that people can really be stupid and insensitive. I can’t tell you how many times people commented that I should be HOME “taking care” of my husband. Really? Were they going to pay the bills and make sure that we had health insurance? When we were first married I was working three jobs in order to support us and make sure he had the care and medications that he needed. Talk to me about staying home after you put food on my table and pay my rent/mortgage. Deal? I didn’t think so.
I have fantasized over the years about what I would really like to “do”… mostly my dreams revolve around self-employment and being creative.
At one point I looked at being a caretaker of a remote mountain retreat. A solitary type of existence where I would be required to rely on myself and develop a wide variety of skills.
As my responsibilities grew at home, I found myself in the healthcare field. Advancing my career relatively quickly with an eye toward becoming a rural health care executive. A small hospital CEO.
Networking was a way of life. I made acquaintances and friends all over the world.
Proud of my “career” and my potential I just kept doing what I thought I needed to do to get ahead.
Was I happy? No, not at all… really. I convinced people that this was what I wanted to do, but the higher up I got in management the more miserable I became.
Maybe part of this was a result of the home environment and the horrible marriage. I did the best I could with what I had but we really didn’t start out all that well to begin with. If he hadn’t of become ill, I highly doubt the marriage would have lasted for as long as it did.
There was an overwhelming sense of responsibility that I had to be everything and take care of everything. After a few years, I actually used my career to escape from home. The busier I was, the less time I had to spend with that miserable @ss of a WASband. I was there when I needed to be and there when he needed me, but anytime I could get away I did. Work was my refuge.
The more money I made the worse it got… he was never satisfied. I could have been the queen of Sheba and independently wealthy and that would not have been enough for him.
I thought I was fooling people, but I wasn’t. Now that I am divorced, I am fully aware of just how obvious the misery was to others. Even if they didn’t say anything.
I have consistently toyed with the idea of following my passion… what that passion is… I am not exactly sure.
There are so many things that I like to do. So many talents and things that I could do. None of them are “traditional” in the sense of having a career and making a living.
I made a HUGE career decision when I moved back to my home town and back in with my mom after my dad passed away. I had enough contacts that I could have gotten a management position in a local hospital but quite frankly I didn’t want one.
When I was interviewing for positions for staff roles I kept getting questions about why I wasn’t looking for a management role, would I be happy in a staff position, and so forth.
No matter what I said, I had a difficult time convincing potential employers that I would be quite happy in a role that did not involve managing people or things. For a change it would be nice to not take work home and that for a change I may actually have a life outside of work.
I have toyed with going back into management… I am a natural leader. I am suited to management. Quite frankly however, I am not suited to working my tail off and not having a life. Not any more. There is not enough money that makes me want to jump back into that life.
With that in mind, I have decided to let my professional certifications and memberships lapse. That was a very difficult decision to make. I worked very hard for those certifications. Very hard. When I got my membership renewal notices in the mail I decided that I was not going to renew them since I was not planning on going back into those fields at a level that would need or utilize them.
My gut wrenched at the thought and then I took a breath and determined that hanging on to them was really just hanging onto a life that I have moved beyond.
I am happier than I have ever been. Sure, I make about what I did when I was first entering my career field but I also do not require the same income that I did. I am learning to live with less. I no longer have to buy my happiness.
The simple pleasures of life really are what is fulfilling.
I recently changed jobs within my company. For awhile there, I was uncertain of my future. The company had merged with a larger organization and I was getting pressure to do work that I really did not want to do. Another position came open and I was fortunate to be offered that work and I am really enjoying it.
I am still in healthcare (generally) but I have moved into IT. A lot of the work I am doing now, I was doing before, but in a different way. I am learning a new discipline and am able to utilize my previous education and experience. My supervisor is professional and does a great job and I am happy to just “be” an employee… I go home at night and I rarely think about work. Perfect!
My dreams now involve finding a way to work with Fred full-time on the boat. I enjoy the physical labor and the time that we spend together. I can see us working together and traveling and really enjoying what we are doing.
Things are so much easier now. Sure, we have to make an income to meet our basic needs and plan for the future. One thing that we do not have to do is keep up with anyone else. Fred and I only compare our lives to what we are wanting to do and what makes us happy.
There is something so freeing about that… it is that feeling that has convinced me that I am doing the right thing and that is abandoning the rat race for a simpler and more pleasant life.
Question: If you could do anything you wanted for the rest of your “career” (LIFE), what would it be? What’s holding you back?
- Forget Your Career And Pursue Your Vocation (juangreatleap.com)
- 11 Things My Son Taught Me about Life & Business (sugarrae.com)
- Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps (frozenmargaritas.wordpress.com)
- If You Could Turn the Clock Back, What Would You Do Differently? (business2community.com)
I’ll be 47 in just over a month… Forty-SEVEN. Where did the time go?
The strange thing? I feel like I am just starting my life. I’m just starting to live.
I have the rest of my life ahead of me and there is nothing holding me back and nothing that I cannot do. I find myself dreaming… and you know what? dreaming is okay… even if my dreams don’t come true. It is fun to think about what is possible. It is even more fun to have someone to dream with.
Life has taught us that love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking outward together in the same direction. ~Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, Wind, Sand and Stars, 1939, translated from French by Lewis Galantière
I hit the reset button in 2009, and while it was by no means the “easy button“, the effort and sacrifice have been well worth it.
In the process of losing everything, I found myself.
The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself. ~Anna Quindlen (born July 8, 1952) is an American author, journalist, and opinion columnist.
Fred and I were listening to the TV this morning (or maybe it was yesterday morning) and there was a therapist talking about how to repair a “broken” relationship. As I listened to the steps that were outlined, I realized that Fred and I practice those steps every day.
Our relationship isn’t broken and I believe if we continue on the path that we are on, it never will be.
The key to a great relationship is to not let it get broken in the first place.
I guess it is never too late to learn a valuable lesson and in that, every experience is a learning experience. I’ve taken a negative experience (a failed marriage) and turned it into a learning opportunity and a lesson for what NOT to do this time.
I wrote a love letter yesterday.
I tell Fred that I love him everyday and I do my best to demonstrate that love through my actions, but I felt the need to write those words on paper… a visual and permanent demonstration of my feelings. He is the BEST thing that has ever happened to me.
Some of the pointers given in the TV interview included;
- being able to love yourself,
- setting realistic expectations,
- making time to spend together every day – including time to talk without being interrupted,
- being compatible and finding things you like to do together,
- being kind to each other,
- being honest,
and something I felt was really important
- make it new and fresh every day.
We talked about what we heard and we both agreed that we do these things regularly. Relationships don’t have to be difficult, but they take work in the form of attention.
One thing that I constantly work on is not taking anything for granted. I am very fortunate that the man who I love and adore works equally as hard at keeping our relationship healthy.
We love spending time together. We enjoy doing things together – even things that are not always fun.
We can be together quietly and just “be” together without having to be “together“.
We have joint interests but we also enjoy separate activities (although I really do prefer doing things with Fred rather than without him).
But most of all, we respect each other; we talk, and we don’t take our relationship for granted.
Love has no desire but to fulfill itself. To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night. To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving. ~ Kahlil Gibran (January 6, 1883 – April 10, 1931) was a Lebanese-American artist, poet, and writer.
I wake up every morning and go to bed every-night totally in love with the man next to me. I’ve never been happier or more full-filled.
For the first time I can be me… I look forward to the future – whatever that will bring. I’ve grown so much in the past couple of years that I can’t imagine that I was ever anyone different from who I am today, but I know that I am, and it feels great!
- You Said You Would Change! (psychologytoday.com)
- Caring (wrotebyrote.blogspot.com)
- How Keep A Good Relationship With Your Partner (expertscolumn.com)
- 7 Vital Choices for Happy Relationships (tinybuddha.com)
7 weeks into my lifestyle change.
Other than waking up WAY too early everyday to get my workout in I keep thinking about the benefits gained over the past few weeks – down 22 lbs since 1/22, changed eating habits that included cutting out all soda (including diet), no more artificial sweeteners, no more commercially processed foods with additives or other junk.
Focusing on good fats, complex carbs and healthy proteins.
Not starving but eating a whole lot less food.
Focusing on gaining lean muscle and burning fat.
Am I going to with that Harley Fat Boy Lo? Most likely not, but has it been worth the journey – yes.
Working at keeping the weight off this time and considering my life is so much better now than it was a few short months ago my chance of success is much greater.
Besides my love Fred is the best partner and support system I could have ever hoped for.
Why yes, yes it is!
I never realized that I could achieve a sustained sense of peace and happiness in a romantic relationship – until now (or relatively recently).
There is not a day that goes by that I do not wake up or go to bed thankful for the wonderful man who I have in my life.
He rocks my world!
I love that we love and appreciate each other for who we are.
I love that we show our gratitude for each other every day and in every way.
I love the time that we spend together – no matter what we are doing.
I LOVE you baby! Thank you for being YOU, and thank you for loving me.
- Acceptance Is the Highest Form of Love (wildflowersmovt.wordpress.com)
I can’t believe how little time I am spending on my blog. I’ve actually found that I am receding into my own little world again… too exhausted to even turn on my computer.
I actually had to make a point of getting on here tonight and as I stared at the screen, wondering what I would write about, I realized that I have let myself get bogged down in the every day trivial pursuits.
Seems like life is whizzing by at light speed and I cannot believe it is already February, almost March… where has time gone?!?!
So, what have I been up to?
Mainly working – seems like I am working A LOT. Not only am I working my regular “day” job, I am spending time with Fred working on the F/V Taku (one day on the weekend) and when I am not doing that I am trying to keep up with bills, laundry, house chores (which is NOT going well), car maintenance…
My day job is mentally exhausting but sedentary.
The weekends on the F/V Taku are hard. I don’t know how Fred does it day in and day out 6 days a week. It is hard, hard work.
My brother made a smart @ss response to Fred about my being responsible for the torch this past weekend… we had a difficult job of removing the very old tar paper from the hull of the boat. Fred has already removed the outer skin and is working at replacing the rotted wood, packing material and fittings.
See, I didn’t burn the boat down…we (Fred really) scraped a good deal of gunk off of the hull… about 10′ by 4′ of area. We still have to chip out the cement and rotted packing. It is crazy! Today Fred started demolishing the house – he has plans for a bigger and better living area. Currently at about 100 sq feet, we may go up to 101 sq feet (hahaha)…
Did I mention that I am still working on simplifying my life and getting rid of material goods – really not getting very far on that endeavor.
Taking care of myself
For the past three weeks I have been getting up at 0500 and going to the gym. While I haven’t lost very much weight (just about 4 lbs so far), I am still working to win that Fat Boy Lo. I am feeling really good. My body fat percentage is going down and I am toning up. So even if I don’t win the motorcycle I am making progress toward being healthier – and in the process I am getting in shape for my hiking trip this fall in the Grand Canyon. It feels good to be active again.
Fred and I have been working diligently on our budgeting and financial goals. I really didn’t want to declare bankruptcy but after the divorce I really didn’t have any other options. The bankruptcy is scheduled to be final in March. One step closer, continuing to move forward.
We’ve been following a financial plan and budget. We talk about every penny that we spend – together. How refreshing! He’s absolutely wonderful, in all aspects of our relationship.
I truly believe that all things come to their end, or beginning, in their own time.
Life is so awesome right now. I knew that if I sat back and didn’t focus on all of the crap I was dealing with, and how “unfair” it all seemed at the time, I would be set free – able to enjoy my life. Finally.
There is just no sense in wallowing in the past. I have so much future to look forward to.
The best thing that I have done these past few months?
Let it go!!!! I’ve let it ALL go!!!
I am no longer angry or resentful. I wasn’t even phased by a snarky message sent to me by the WASband a few days ago (never mind he isn’t supposed to contact me AT ALL!)
No need to respond. I don’t have to acknowledge or expose him, he’ll do that on his own.
What’s next? I am interviewing at the end of this week for a different position in the organization where I work. I am learning new things every day. Challenging myself in new ways. Loving my life.
Life is so much easier when you have someone by your side who shares your dreams and goals.
One thing that I have learned is that I am not going to take what I have for granted. Relationships take work – but they shouldn’t be hard.